Jarret Stoll Admits to Life of Crime after Vegas Arrest

Jarett Stoll DrugsFollowing his arrest for cocaine and ecstasy possession at a Las Vegas hotel in April, L.A. Kings forward Jarret Stoll broke down and confessed to over 20 other felony crimes over the last ten years.

“He seemed to have been holding it in for a long time and just wanted to release it,” said arresting officer Hans Hier. “We asked him a few questions, and he started talking for three hours straight confessing to a litany of crimes crying and sobbing the whole time.”

Although the police still need to investigate his involvement, Stoll told them about the following crimes he committed.

1) He was the Left Shark from the Super bowl. A mutual friend got him in contact with Katy Perry. However, he was so high on ecstasy and cocaine that he completely forgot the routine.

2) He in fact took the nude photos of his girlfriend Erin Andrews from the window. It was all a publicity stunt.

3) He was the inspiration for True Detective Season 2 and had many meetings with Nick Polazzo to make the show as authentic as possible.

4) The L.A. King’s Stanley Cup Championship in 2012 was paid for with dog fighting money he had earned with long time friend Michael Vick. He bribed the other teams to lose.

5) He was actually driving the car the night Mel Gibson was arrested back in 2006. He convinced Mel to switch seats with him though and then fled the scene of the crime.

6) Personally emailed Martha Stewart and told her dump stocks from insider information in 2004.

7) Admits to not committing but being privy to a faked suicide attempt on Anna Nicole Smith’s life.

Stoll, 33, admitted to much more criminal behavior and is currently be held for a $150 bond. His lawyers are confident he will be acquitted of all charges and serve no jail time.

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