On Monday Jerry Buss announced that the L.A. Lakers will officially change their name because the drought has left not a single lake anywhere in L.A. nor the surrounding counties.
“The team name was already a stretch for a city by the ocean (thanks a lot Minnesota), but now with there not being a single lake left anywhere near L.A. we are forced to change names,” said Buss. “If we don’t do this, we risk seeming disingenuous, which could negatively impact L.A.’s sterling reputation of unpretentious and authentic sincerity.”
Taking a cue from social media, Buss is letting the new team name be fan-generated and voted on to determine something that everyone will undoubtedly like. Voting commences today and will be open until Friday.
The top three names as of 5:00 pm Monday are the ‘L.A. Swifties’ in honor of Taylor Swift and her huge fan base, ‘Kobe for Life’ because well, Kobe, and ‘Just Until Jack Nicholson is Dead.’
Much like new jerseys or jerseys with unnecessary sleeves, this will also help generate a lot of new income for the fledging team. “Everyone will have to go out and buy new apparel to accurately reflect their love and commitment to a team they most likely have no sincere connection with,” said Buss.
Buss has also hired several advertising firms to try and create new slogans that accurately depict and draw attention to the severe drought crippling the state. They have released one so far:
“We don’t need no water let the mother fucker burn.”